Unfinished Farewells: The Unseen Burden of Grief

A small box sits on a closet shelf, holding more than just ashes. It's been there for years, a silent reminder of a promise left unfulfilled.

The person who should know best what to do with it is an Episcopal priest and theologian. They've spent years studying grief and theology, yet here they are, stuck.

A Priest's Struggle

This person has seen many people pass away. They've scattered ashes in many places, from sacred grounds to peaceful lakes. Every year, they remind themselves and others that we are dust and to dust we shall return. But when it comes to their own father's ashes, they're at a loss.

The father's final wish was clear: a grand funeral with a large choir, a celebration of life, and his ashes spread in Hawaii. But life had other plans. He passed away during the COVID-19 pandemic, making a big funeral impossible. Flying the family across the Pacific to spread his ashes was out of the question.

The Unfulfilled Promise

Years have passed, and the ashes remain in the closet. The priest keeps saying they'll figure out a meaningful and affordable alternative, but nothing feels right. Every idea seems either dull or impractical. When family and friends ask, they brush it off, saying they're busy or haven't decided yet.

The Complexity of Grief

Grief is a complex thing. It doesn't care about your job title or your education. It doesn't care if you're a priest or a theologian. It makes you vulnerable in ways you never expected. And sometimes, it leaves you with a box of ashes and a promise you can't keep.